What it really feels like a failed marriage and advice to single people.
Failed marriage no be like breakup. Breakup pain finish quick. Failed marriage na slow pain.
What it really feels like:
1. You become housemates, not partners. Two people dey same house, but you no dey gist again. You dey press phone, the other person dey press phone. You go ask "have you eaten?" not because you care, but because you must.
2. Small things become war. How toothpaste is pressed, how plate is kept. Because the big issues - money, respect, cheating, family interference - una never settle, so anger dey come out through small things.
3. You feel lonely inside marriage. This one pain pass single loneliness. Single you know you alone. But married and lonely? You dey cry for bathroom so your partner no go hear.
4. Your self-esteem drops. You start to think "maybe na me no good enough." Especially when you try everything and e still no work.
5. Children or money keeps you, not love. Many people no leave because of kids, or because rent, or because "what will people say."
If you have left a failed marriage, respect yourself. It takes serious courage to walk away from something you prayed for.
Advice to single people from people wey don see am:
1. Love is not enough. Check these 3 before you marry:
- How does he/she handle anger? If they insult you, break things, keep malice for days when angry now, marriage will magnify it 10x.
- How do they handle money? Is he stingy or reckless? Is she entitled? Money fight kills marriage pass cheating.
- How do they treat people below them? Waiter, gateman, their younger siblings. That is their real character.
2. Don't marry potential, marry pattern.
" He will change" is the biggest lie. If he is lazy, beats you, cheats while dating, no job and not looking for job - he will not change after wedding. What you see now is the trailer, marriage is the full film.
3. Talk about the uncomfortable things BEFORE.
- Where will you live? PH or village?
- How many kids?
- Church/mosque difference?
- Who controls money? Joint account or separate?
- What if one person must relocate?
If you cannot discuss these while dating without fighting, you are not ready.
4. Singlehood is not punishment.
Use this time to build YOU. Have your own money, even if small. Have your own friends. Have your own God. Don't enter marriage empty and expect the other person to complete you. Two half people cannot make one whole home.
5. Marry your friend.
At 2am when baby is crying, or when you lose job, or when fuel is ₦1,200 - beauty and six-pack no go help you. Na friendship go hold you. Can you gist with this person for 5 hours without sex or money involved? If no, reconsider.
Last thing: Better to be single and peaceful at 35 than married and crying every night at 25. Marriage no get deadline, but peace of mind get value.
If you are single now, what is your biggest fear about marriage? Talk to me, make we reason am together.